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Families
There are no 'perfect' families. Everyone's idea of what makes a family is different. Some families are small, others are large; some are combined through divorce and remarriage. Some families have parents of the same sex, some may have one parent, and some may include grandparents, aunts or uncles or friends.
Although there are no 'perfect' families, some seem to get along while others experience constant conflict or stress. While there are many forces that can put a strain on a family, what can help it survive or make it stronger relates to the quality of family relationships.
It's important to know what you can and can't change. Your parents may have money worries, someone may have lost a job, your parents might be getting divorced, there might be alcohol or drug problems or someone may have died. You can't control these things, although a lot of young people seem to think that they are somehow responsible for these kinds of family problems. You're not.
What you can change is how you relate to people in your family and deal with day-to-day stress.
- Talk things out. Although your family members may know you very well, they can't always read your mind. Tell them how you want to be treated, what upsets you and what you like.
- Don't cut your parents off. Most parents worry less (and nag less) if their daughters and sons actually talk to them about what is going on in their life.
- You may not agree with all of your parent's rules and beliefs. If your parents are driving you crazy, stop and think instead of lashing out at them. They will be more likely to respect what you have to say if you can organise your thoughts and present them in a calm, cool and mature way.
- Respect each other's privacy. If you feel that your privacy has been violated, try to stay calm, and remind the other person of how important his or her own privacy is. Let them know that you don't have anything to hide, but that everyone needs some space and time to themselves each day.
- Families can bring out the worst in a person - but don't forget to value your parents', sisters' or brothers' good points. Let them know you see this side of them as well. Do something nice every once in a while for someone in your family to show that your relationship matters.
- If you feel stressed, find time to do an activity that you enjoy. Try writing in a journal or drawing a picture of the things that are bothering you, or practice relaxation. Find a quiet place, breathe deeply and think positive thoughts. Your problems won't disappear, but you'll have a chance to step away from your family for a moment and take care of yourself.
Sometimes, the best way to cope in a family is to talk to an 'outside' person who can listen without judging you and who can offer you support. There are a number of services that offer free, confidential information, advice and counselling. For more information, try the listed websites and contacts.
If you are experiencing physical, sexual or emotional abuse or neglect in your family, it needs to stop - for your own safety and well being. You may not be able to control what is happening on your own, but there are people you can trust to help you sort out problems of abuse in your family. Childline offer advice and support, and you won't have to give them your name.
Your Personal Adviser is also available to listen and support you, and to put you in touch with agencies that can help you to cope if you are having family difficulties.
